First Date Advice for Sons and Daughters: But You Can Use It Too
Respect for Personal Space
A healthy relationship—no matter how new—begins with boundaries, as well as respect from everyone involved in the relationship for those boundaries. Physical closeness, affection, or even holding hands should be mutually agreed upon and never assumed. Read cues. If someone steps back, crosses their arms, or looks uncomfortable, that’s a silent “no.” Respect the situation and stop what you’re doing. Use your voice. It’s okay to say, “I’m not comfortable with that,” or “I’d rather take things slow.” Consent is ongoing. Even if you said yes to something once, that yes is not forever. So, ask again.
No Drinking and Driving — Ever
No exceptions, no excuses. If either person drinks—even “just one”—they don’t drive. Period. Have a plan before going out. Arrange transportation (e.g., circle of trust, Uber, friend, or family) before alcohol is involved. Be the responsible one. Refusing to drink when you’re driving is a sign of strength, not weakness. You protect lives—including your own. Trust your instincts. If your date drinks and insists on driving, call for help. Being too ashamed or embarrassed to call for help is not worth your life.
Personal Situational Awareness
Know where you’re going and who you’re with. Tell someone (a parent or close friend) where you’ll be, with whom, and what time you expect to be back. Stay in public places for the first few dates—restaurants, coffee shops, or events where others are around. Stay alert. Be aware of your surroundings—who’s nearby, where exits are, and what’s happening around you. Avoid distractions like scrolling on your phone too much. Trust your gut. If something feels off, leave. No explanation needed. Your safety always comes first. Keep your drink with you. Never leave it unattended or accept a drink you didn’t see poured or opened.
For Our Sons
Be a gentleman, not a performer. Courtesy, punctuality, and good manners go further than trying to impress. Respect her comfort zone. Emotional, physical, and social. Let her lead the pace of interaction. Show integrity. If she trusts you, protect that trust. You represent yourself, your family, and your values. Model strength through respect. The best men make others feel safe, not pressured.
For Our Daughters
Value yourself first. You never have to “earn” someone’s attention or affection by doing something you’re unsure of. Set clear boundaries early. Kind but firm statements like “I don’t drink when I’m out” or “I don’t kiss on a first date” command respect. Stay aware of exits, lighting, and safe routes. Subtle, practiced awareness—not fear—keeps you empowered. Carry confidence like armor. When you walk, speak, or decide—do so with calm authority. People respect confidence.
GOTWA For Parents and Guardians
GOTWA is a training tool or mnemonic we use to help parents remember questions, answers and general information family members need to share with one another during emergencies. Well. What could be a bigger emergency than a first date? So, what is GOTWA? You ask.
GOTWA (GO-TWA) is an acronym that can be used by anyone going on a first date, even if it’s just around the corner. As we all know, there is nothing like the ice-cold stomach-churning fear experienced by parents upon sudden realization they’re not sure where their children are, or what happened to them, because they didn’t ask the right questions or were talking when they should have been listening (we call that “playing the trumpet”). This mnemonic helps parents and guardians alleviate problems associated with stress induced miscommunication by reminding them to ask the right questions of those going somewhere, as well as outline actions to be taken by those staying behind. The “G” in GOTWA represents where (i.e., the exact location) someone is going, the “O” represents any additional people or others (i.e., the formal names of everyone involved, not nicknames) who may also be going, the letter “T” represents the time limits involved with the trip, and “WA” represents what actions will be taken by those leaving and those remaining behind if there is a problem or continued miscommunication. Parents and guardians don’t feel ashamed to use this tool, because when seconds count, you need to have all the information necessary to do what needs to be done.
Closing Thoughts
Tell them both:
“A first date should be fun and memorable, but your safety, self-respect, and reputation are worth more than any momentary excitement. The person meant for you will never pressure you to lower your standards—they’ll raise theirs to meet yours.”
Warm regards,
Ron Peeler
President/CEO
Advise, Train, Guide (ATG LLC) ™