To Spank or Not to Spank: Is This Still a Question Worth Asking Today?
At Advise, Train, Guide (ATG LLC) ™ we believe this question deserves thoughtful answers. But before we share our perspective on an issue society still wrestles with, let’s make two things perfectly clear:
- We never tell parents how to parent. What we offer are options, tools, and skill sets that parents can add to their toolbox—resources that, when used correctly, help children thrive in today’s world, not just survive.
- We understand that some believe corporal punishment is a “normal” part of parenting. We don’t judge anyone for believing that—but we respectfully disagree with pain compliance as a form of behavior modification. As you read this, remember our view on using pain compliance techniques as punishment is our opinion, one we stand by with conviction.
The Story
During an (ATG LLC) Active Parenting Seminar, some of our instructors asked attendees to share their thoughts on spanking as a form of punishment. What follows is a story shared by a participant:
“My neighbor ‘John’ and I were standing in our backyards, talking about nothing in particular—just shooting the breeze and commiserating about how our favorite football teams had lost games they should have won. Somehow, the conversation shifted to our kids.
John mentioned that he had recently spanked his youngest son for some misbehavior—I can’t recall exactly what it was. He explained in excruciating detail how the boy tried to shield himself from ‘the belt’ by putting his hand between it and his backside.
During the spanking episode, he said he told his son to ‘get that hand out of the way or it’ll be in trouble too.’ Based on his version of the story, John had a death grip on the boy’s other arm—presumably to keep him from running away—while swinging the belt like there was no tomorrow.
As he described all this, I could feel my face getting red hot with anger. Until that moment I thought John was a decent, laid-back guy. But hearing that story changed my opinion of him forever, and not in a good way. I mumbled some made up excuse to get away from him and his story, quickly finished my yard work, and spent the rest of the afternoon in my garage trying to erase the mental image of a small, terrified child, trying to protect himself from a full-grown able-bodied man, his father, from my over stimulated brain.
My dad used to beat us like that. I swore I’d never do the same to my own kids, and I despise people who do. Those weekly ‘punishment sessions’ he inflicted upon my brothers and sisters left me with an enduring hatred for bullies and authority figures—something I still struggle with to this day.”
Discussion
Modern science paints a nuanced picture. Research shows that while spanking might stop unwanted behavior in the short term, it often fosters fear, resentment, and confusion over time.
Contemporary parenting philosophies emphasize connection over control—teaching children why a behavior is wrong rather than simply punishing them for it. The shift away from the old “This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you” mentality isn’t about permissiveness; it’s about redefining what effective discipline looks like in an emotionally intelligent generation.
Some parenting advocates argue that those who were spanked “turned out fine.” Maybe. But as we continue learning more about child psychology and the long-term effects of trauma, it’s becoming clear that “fine” may not be the standard we should strive for.
Discipline doesn’t have to mean fear, and respect doesn’t have to be born from pain. At (ATG LLC), we believe it’s time to explore new, evidence-based ways to teach right from wrong—methods that leave no lasting scars, physical or emotional.
Conclusion
As times change, so must the ways we guide our children. The conversation about spanking isn’t about judgment—it’s about growth.
Every generation has the opportunity to learn from the one before it, to refine how we teach values, and to ensure that discipline builds—not breaks—the bond between parent and child.
At the end of the day, all parents want the same thing: to raise good kids who grow into good people. The tools we use may differ from those our parents used, and that’s okay.
What matters most is that our discipline comes from love—not frustration, anger, or ignorance. Whether it’s a time-out, a calm conversation, or a firm but fair reminder, what truly lasts are the lessons and the memories we create along the way.
Warm regards,
Ron Peeler
President and CEO
Advise, Train, Guide (ATG LLC) ™